Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
