i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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