How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
