Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize