I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
