Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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