Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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