you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
