She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
