Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
