Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize