Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
