We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
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Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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