I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
