I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
