I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
