If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
