Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
