I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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