I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
