Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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