Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize