It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
