I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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