College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
