Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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