I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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