Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
