I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
