Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
