if you like me you must not know who I am
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
