So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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