Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
