i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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