I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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