When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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