I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
