Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there's paper in my vomit.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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