You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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