At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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