thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
