I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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