i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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