While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
