i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
