this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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