Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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