i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
