I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
