he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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