I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
