i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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