Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
