In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
