mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
