I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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