they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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