Don't you send me to vm
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
