Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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