i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
