she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
