I just cut my nipple shaving
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
