I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
