I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
