i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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