I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
