She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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