we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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