I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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