I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
