I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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