At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
